Family

Read all these....

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked at the door...

A lady opened it. Before she could speak, the salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow shit on the carpet..

Salesman: Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I ll eat all this shit!

Lady: do u need chilli sauce with that?

Salesman: why madam?

Lady: because there's no electricity in the house..

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5 things American Movies Teach Us:

1. Chinese Have Nothing Better To Do Than Teaching Or Practice Kung Fu.

2. More Than 50% Of U.S. Population Are FBI/CIA Agents, Working Undercover.

3. The Purpose Of School System Of U.S. Is To Promote Basketball/Baseball.

4. Aliens Have Special Interest In Attacking the U.S.

5. U.S Is A Place Where You Can Meet All Mythical Creatures Like Werewolves &
Vampires.

5 things Indian Movies Teach Us:

1. At Least One Of The Identical Twins Is Born Evil.

2. While Defusing A Bomb, Don't Worry, Whichever Wire You Cut… You “Always
Choose The Right One".

3. A Hero Will Show No Pain, While Getting Beaten Up; But Will Show Pain When A
Heroine Cleans up His Wound.

4. A Detective Can Solve A Case Only When He Is Suspended From Duty.

*The Most Hilarious*

5. If You Decide To Start Dancing On The Street, Everyone You Meet Will Know The
Steps.

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My Wife DOES NOT WORK !!!

Conversation between a Husband (H) and a Psychologist (P):

P : What do you do for a living Mr. Bandy ?
H : I work as an Accountant in a Bank.

P : Your Wife ?
H : She doesn't work. She's a Housewife only.

P : Who makes breakfast for your family in the morning?
H : My Wife, because she doesn't work.

P : At what time does your wife wake up for making breakfast?
H : She wakes up at around 5 am because she cleans the house first before making breakfast.

P : How do your kids go to school?
H : My wife takes them to school, because she doesn't work.

P : After taking your kids to school, what does she do ?
H : She goes to the market, then goes back home for cooking and laundry. You know, she doesn't work.

P : In the evening, after you go back home from office, what do you do ?
H : Take rest, because I'm tired due to all day work.

P : What does your wife do then ?
H : She prepares meals, serving our kids, preparing meals for me and cleaning the dishes, cleaning the house, then taking kids to bed.

Who do you think works more, from the story above ???

The daily routines of your wives commence from early morning to late night. That is called 'DOESN'T WORK' ??!!

Yes, Being Homemakers do not need Certificate of Study, even High Position, but their ROLE/PART is very important!

Appreciate your wives. Because their sacrifices are uncountable. This should be a reminder and reflection for all of us to understand and appreciate each others roles.

All about a WOMAN ....
* When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.

* When she stares at you, she is wondering why she loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted.

* When she says I will stand by you, she will stand by you like a rock.

Never hurt her or take her wrong or for granted...

Forward to every woman to make her smile and to every man to make him realize a woman's worth...!!!

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What Is a Kiss..??

In Maths:- Kiss is the shortest distance
between two Lips ...

In Biology:- kiss is just exchange of
germs from one mouth to another.

In chemistry:- kiss is a process of
testing the ph of the lips.

In Physics:- It is a process to charging
a human body ...

In Computer:- Kiss is a local area
network in Which two bodies are
Connected without a data cable..

In Economics:- Kiss is a process in
which Demand is higher than supply !!

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The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. 
"I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker -
that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."

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A STORY WITH A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE!

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes.
One morning, when the boy was around two years old, the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and put it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to it and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages.
When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned; she was terrified. How would she face her husband?
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words. “I Love You Darling.”
The husband’s totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to putt he bottle away, this would not have happened.
No point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who’s to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know and miss out on the warmth in human relationships we could receive by giving each other support.

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Woman asks:
If I sleep with 3 men, everyone calls me a slut.
But when a man sleeps with 10 girls, everyone
calls him a real man. How come?

Man replies:
It is very simple. 'When one lock can be opened by 3
different keys, it is a bad lock. But when one key can
open 10 different locks, we call it a master key.!'

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Prove that .....

I Agree ....!!!!! Watz dis....

Bachelors think that married men are lucky. .
Married men think that Bachelors are lucky. .
The point is that
Bachelors think at night... & Married think at day time..
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Husband sent a text to his wife at night,"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."

sent another text,"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a diamond necklace"

She text back,"OMG really?"

Husband replied,"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".�

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John feared that his wife Rosy wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he spoke to the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response..'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Rosy, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her and asked, 'Rosy, what's for dinner?'

(You'll love this)

"For God's sake John, for the FIFTH time I"m telling you, its 'PIZZA!"

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A Message From Wife.....

Hilarious Laws

Hilarious Laws which you have not studied in schools:

Law of equality:
The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 minutes is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll cal you in 5 minutes!
Law of Queue:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Bath Theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule:
People with the seats at the farthest from the entry arrive last. Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Proposal:
After you accept a proposal you will get a better one
Law of getting late:
When you reach early for something it will never starts on time
Law of exam:
If you didn't read a page which is of least importance, first question will be from that page only.

Read ......

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the
balloonist. "I am", replied the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know
where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems?!!"
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