Mind Blowing Facts
1. Turtles have no teeth.
2. Prehistoric turtles may have weighed as much as 5,000 pounds.
3. Only one out of a thousand baby sea turtles survives after hatching.
4. Sea turtles absorb a lot of salt from the sea water in which they live. They excrete excess salt from their eyes, so it often looks as though they're crying.
5. Helium is a colourless, odourless, tasteless inert gas at room temperature and makes up about 0.0005% of the air we breathe.
6. Helium Balloon Gas makes balloons float. Helium is lighter than air and just as the heaviest things will tend to fall to the bottom, the lightest things will rise to the top.
7. Helium Balloon Gas makes balloons float. Helium is lighter than air and just as the heaviest things will tend to fall to the bottom, the lightest things will rise to the top.
8. Camels can spit.
9. An ostrich can run 43 miles per hour (70 kilometers per hour).
10. Pigs are the fourth most intelligent animal in the world.
11. Dinosaurs didn't eat grass? There was no grass in the days of the dinosaurs.
12. Dolphins can swim 37 miles per hour (60 kilometers per hour).
13. A crocodile's tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth? It cannot move. It cannot chew but its Digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nail, Glass pieces, etc
14. Sharks are immune to disease i.e they do not suffer from any Disease.
15. Animals are either right- or left-handed? Polar bears are always left-handed, and so is Kermit the Frog.
16. Paris, France has more dogs than people.
17. New Zealand is home to 70 million sheep and only 40 million people.
18. Male polar bears weigh 1400 pounds and females only weight 550 pounds, on average.
19. Bison are excellent swimmers? Their head, hump and tail never go below the surface of the water.
20. There are 6 to 14 frogs species in the world that have no tongues. One of these is the African dwarf frog.
21. A frog named Santjie, who was in a frog derby in South Africa jumped 33 feet 5.5 inches.
22. The longest life span of a frog was 40 years
23. The eyes of a frog flatten down when it swallows its prey
24. The name `India' is derived from the River Indus
25. The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name `Hindustan' combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus.
26. Chess was invented in India.
27. The' place value system' and the 'decimal system' were developed in 100 BC in India.
28. The game of snakes & ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called 'Mokshapat.' The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices.
29. India has the most post offices in the world
30. 'Navigation' is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH
31. The word navy is also derived from the Sanskrit word 'Nou'.
32. Until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the world
33. The' place value system' and the 'decimal system' were developed in 100 BC in India.
34. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
35. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start
36. Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.
37. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.
38. The first bicycle that was made in 1817 by Baron von Drais didn't have any pedals? People walked it along
39. The first steam powered train was invented by Robert Stephenson. It was called the Rocket.
40. A cheetah does not roar like a lion - it purrs like a cat (meow).
41. The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'
42. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
43. Ants don't sleep.
44. Dolphins usually live up to about twenty years, but have been known to live for about forty.
45. Dolphins sleep in a semi-alert state by resting one side of their brain at a time
46. A dolphin can hold its breath for 5 to 8 minutes at a time
47. Bats can detect warmth of an animal from about 16 cm away using its "nose-leaf".
48. Bats can also find food up to 18 ft. away and get information about the type of insect using their sense of echolocation.
49. The eyes of the chameleon can move independently & can see in two different directions at the same time.
50. Cockroach: Can detect movement as small as 2,000 times the diameter of a hydrogen atom.
51. Dragonfly: Eye contains 30,000 lenses.
52. Pig's Tongue contains 15,000 taste buds. For comparison, the human tongue has 9,000 taste buds.
53. The number system was invented by India. Aryabhatta was the scientist who invented the digit zero.
54. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
55. Earth weighs 5,972,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons
56. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
57. A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere
58. Man is the only animal who'll eat with an enemy
59. The average woman uses about her height in lipstick every five years.
60. The first Christmas was celebrated on December 25,
61. AD 336 in Rome.
62. A Cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
63. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can't
64. A rat can last longer without water than a camel can
65. About 10% of the world's population is left-handed
66. Dolphins sleep with one eye open
67. Snakes have no external ears. Therefore, they do not hear the music of a "snake charmer". Instead, they are probably responding to the movements of the snake charmer and the flute. However, sound waves may travel through bones in their heads to the middle ear.
68. Many spiders have eight eyes.
69. The tongue of snakes has no taste buds. Instead, the tongue is used to bring smells and tastes into the mouth. Smells and tastes are then detected in two pits, called "Jacobson's organs", on the roof of their mouths. Receptors in the pits then transmit smell and taste information to the brain.
70. Birds don't sweat
71. The highest kangaroo leap recorded is 10 ft and the longest is 42 ft
72. Flamingo tongues were eaten common at Roman feasts
73. The smallest bird in the world is the Hummingbird. It weighs 1oz
74. The bird that can fly the fastest is called a White it can fly up to 95 miles per hour.
75. The oldest living thing on earth is 12,000 years old. It is the flowering shrubs called creosote bushes in the Mojave Desert
76. Tea is said to have been discovered in 2737 BC by a Chinese emperor when some tea leaves accidentally blew into a pot of boiling water.
77. A person can live without food for about a month, but only about a week without water.
If the amount of water in your body is reduced by just 1%, you'll feel thirsty.
If it's reduced by 10%, you'll die.
78. Along with its length neck, the giraffe has a very long tongue -- more than a foot and a half long. A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue
79. Ostriches can kick with tremendous force, but only forward. Don't Mess with them
80. An elephant can smell water three miles away
81. If you were to remove your skin, it would weigh as much as 5 pounds
82. A hippopotamus can run faster than a man
83. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history
84. The world's known tallest man is Robert Pershing Wadlow. The giraffe is 5.49m (18 ft.), the man is 2.55m (8ft. 11.1 in.).
85. The world's tallest woman is Sandy Allen. She is 2.35m (7 ft. 7 in.).
86. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.
87. The blue whale is the largest animal on earth. The heart of a blue whale is as big as a car, and its tongue is as long as an elephant.
88. The largest bird egg in the world today is that of the ostrich. Ostrich eggs are from 6 to 8 inches long. Because of their size and the thickness of their shells, they take 40 minutes to hard-boil. The average adult male ostrich, the world's largest living bird, weighs up to 345 pounds.
89. Every dolphin has its own signature whistle to distinguish it from other dolphins, much like a human fingerprint
90. The world's largest mammal, the blue whale, weighs 50 tons i.e. 50000 Kg at birth. Fully grown, it weighs as much as 150 tons i.e. 150000 Kg.
91. 90 % of all the ice in the world in on Antarctica
92. Antarctica is DRIEST continent. Antarctica is a desert
93. Antarctica is COLDEST continent, averaging minus 76 degrees in the winter
94. Mercury is the closest planet to the sun and it doesn't have a moon. Its atmosphere is so thin that during the day the temperature reaches 750 degrees, but at night it gets down to -300 degrees.
95. Jupiter is the largest planet. If Jupiter were hollow, you could fit 1000 earths inside! It is made up of gas and is not solid. The most famous feature on Jupiter is its Red Spot, which is actually an enormous hurricane that has been raging on Jupiter for hundreds of years! Sixteen moons orbit Jupiter.
96. Saturn is a very windy place! Winds can reach up to 1,100 miles per hour. Saturn is also made of gas. If you could find an ocean large enough, it would float. This planet is famous for its beautiful rings, and has at least 18 moons.
97. Uranus is the third largest planet, and is also made of gas. It's tilted on its side and spins north-south rather than east-west. Uranus has 15 moons.
98. Neptune takes 165 Earth years to get around the sun. It appears blue because it is made of methane gas. Neptune also has a big Spot like Jupiter. Winds on Neptune get up to 1,200 mile per hour! Neptune has 8 moons.
99. Pluto is the farthest planet from the sun... usually. It has such an unusual orbit that it is occasionally closer to the sun than Neptune. Pluto is made of rock and ice.
100. Just about everyone listens to the radio! 99% of homes in the United States have a least one radio. Most families have several radios.
101. Sound is sent from the radio station through the air to your radio by means of electromagnetic waves. News, music, Bible teaching, baseball games, plays, advertisements- these sounds are all converted into electromagnetic waves (radio waves) before they reach your radio and your ears.
102. At the radio station, the announcer speaks into a microphone. The microphone changes the sound of his voice into an electrical signal. This signal is weak and can't travel very far, so it's sent to a transmitter. The transmitter mixes the signal with some strong radio signals called carrier waves. These waves are then sent out through a special antenna at the speed of light! They reach the antenna of your radio. Your antenna "catches" the signal, and the radio's amplifier strengthens the signal and sends it to the speakers. The speakers vibrate, and your ears pick up the vibrations and your brain translates them into the voice of the radio announcer back at the station. When you consider all the places the announcer's voice travels
103. Every radio station has its own frequency. When you turn the tuning knob on your radio, you are choosing which frequency you want your antenna to "catch."
104. Mountain lions are known by more than 100 names, including panther, catamount, cougar, painter and puma. It's scientific name is Felis concolor, which means "cat of one color." At one time, mountain lions were very common!
105. The large cats of the world are divided into two groups- those that roar, like tigers and African lions, and those that purr. Mountain lions purr, hiss, scream, and snarl, but they cannot roar.
106. They can jump a distance of 30 feet, and jump as high as 15 feet. It would take quite a fence to keep a mountain lion out!
107. Their favorite food is deer, but they'll eat other critters as well. They hunt alone, not in packs like wolves. They sneak up on their prey just like a house cat sneaks up on a bird or toy- one slow step at a time. A lion can eat ten pounds of meat at one time! That's equivalent to 40 quarter-pounder hamburgers!
108. Queen ants can live to be 30 years old
109. Dragonflies can flap their wings 28 times per second and they can fly up to 60 miles per hour
110. As fast as dragonflies can flap their wings, bees are even faster... they can flap their wings 435 times per second
111. Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
112. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath
113. Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day
114. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
115. The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!
116. Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails!
117. Women blink nearly twice as much as men
118. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible
119. Coca-Cola would be green if colouring weren't added to it.
120. More people are allergic to cow's milk than any other food.
121. Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand
122. Earth is the only planet not named after a god.
123. It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA.
124. Some worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food!
125. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Nice Story, but DO NOT miss the moral !!!
Nice Story, but DO NOT miss the moral !!!
Impossible is nothing. Even impossible spells "i m possible"
Nice Story, but DO NOT miss the moral !!
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.
The store owner listened to the following conversation.
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the of cutting your lawn?"
The woman replied, "I already to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for of the person who cuts your lawn now."
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of."
Again the woman.
With a smile on his face, the little boy disconnected and replaced the receiver.
The druggist, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I really like your I like that positive spirit and your perseverance. I'm deeply impressed, and would like to offer you a job.
The little boy replied, "No thanks. I was just checking on the job I already have! The report about me is good!" Some of us simply forget that Feedback/Constructive Criticism from our Senior, Peers, Juniors, Vendors, Clients and Friends is the only way to improve the benchmark levels.......
Impossible is nothing. Even impossible spells "i m possible"
Nice Story, but DO NOT miss the moral !!
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.
The store owner listened to the following conversation.
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the of cutting your lawn?"
The woman replied, "I already to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for of the person who cuts your lawn now."
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of."
Again the woman.
With a smile on his face, the little boy disconnected and replaced the receiver.
The druggist, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said, "Son... I really like your I like that positive spirit and your perseverance. I'm deeply impressed, and would like to offer you a job.
The little boy replied, "No thanks. I was just checking on the job I already have! The report about me is good!" Some of us simply forget that Feedback/Constructive Criticism from our Senior, Peers, Juniors, Vendors, Clients and Friends is the only way to improve the benchmark levels.......
Funny Medical definitions!
Funny Medical definitions!
Funny Medical definitions!
Anti-body - - Against everyone
Artery — The study of fine paintings
Bacteria — The back door of a cafeteria
Barium — What you do after CPR fails
Benign — What you are after you be eight and before you be ten
Cardiac arrest — Taken into custody after stealing a coupe Deville
CAT Scan — Searching for the kitty Cardiology
Advance — study of poker playing
Cauterize — To make eye contact with a woman
Cesarean section — A district in Rome Charlie
Horse — A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby
Colic — A sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark Congenital - Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Dilate — To live long Enema — Not a friend
Fibula — A small white lie
G.I. Series — A baseball game between teams of soldiers
Genes — What you wear cutting grass
Hangnail — A coat hook
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor pain — Getting hurt at work
Medical staff — A doctor s cane
Morbid — A higher offer
Nitrates — Cheaper than the day rate
Node — Movement of head meaning yes
Organic — An organ work repairman
Paralyze — Two far fetched stories
Pharmacist — A person who makes living in agriculture
Phobopohobia — Fear of phobias, or fear itself
Pelvis — A cousin of Elvis
Post-operative — A letter carrier
Protein — In favor of young people
Rectum — Dang near killed em
Scalpel — What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings
Secretion — Hiding something
Seizure — A Roman emperor
Tablet — A small table
Terminal illness — Getting sick at the airport
Thalassotherophy — Fear of the sea Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — The opposite of “you are out
Vein - Conceited
Varicose - Nearby
Xenophobia — fear of strangers or foreigners
Funny Medical definitions!
Anti-body - - Against everyone
Artery — The study of fine paintings
Bacteria — The back door of a cafeteria
Barium — What you do after CPR fails
Benign — What you are after you be eight and before you be ten
Cardiac arrest — Taken into custody after stealing a coupe Deville
CAT Scan — Searching for the kitty Cardiology
Advance — study of poker playing
Cauterize — To make eye contact with a woman
Cesarean section — A district in Rome Charlie
Horse — A 10 to 1 long shot in the Kentucky Derby
Colic — A sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark Congenital - Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Dilate — To live long Enema — Not a friend
Fibula — A small white lie
G.I. Series — A baseball game between teams of soldiers
Genes — What you wear cutting grass
Hangnail — A coat hook
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor pain — Getting hurt at work
Medical staff — A doctor s cane
Morbid — A higher offer
Nitrates — Cheaper than the day rate
Node — Movement of head meaning yes
Organic — An organ work repairman
Paralyze — Two far fetched stories
Pharmacist — A person who makes living in agriculture
Phobopohobia — Fear of phobias, or fear itself
Pelvis — A cousin of Elvis
Post-operative — A letter carrier
Protein — In favor of young people
Rectum — Dang near killed em
Scalpel — What you stand on to clean windows in high rise buildings
Secretion — Hiding something
Seizure — A Roman emperor
Tablet — A small table
Terminal illness — Getting sick at the airport
Thalassotherophy — Fear of the sea Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — The opposite of “you are out
Vein - Conceited
Varicose - Nearby
Xenophobia — fear of strangers or foreigners
Jokes Journey
Jokes Journey
*Break Into the House*
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
***********
*Lost Wife
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
***********
*Teacher*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
***********
*Hearing*
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
***********
*Wedding*
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"
***********
* Dream*
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".
***********
One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
******
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
******
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
******
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
******
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."
******
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
******
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
******
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
******
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
******
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
******
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
******
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
******
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
******
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
******
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
******
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
******
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
******
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "
******
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
******
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
******
Hahaha Jokes
1)
Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily) : Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.
A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!"
2)
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother
owns an apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at
the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if
somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them
$2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet
or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body
says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy. Now
the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks
sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a
pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools. Sardarji
replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I
will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not
take me some body else will take.
*Break Into the House*
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"
***********
*Lost Wife
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."
***********
*Teacher*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
***********
*Hearing*
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
***********
*Wedding*
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"
***********
* Dream*
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".
***********
One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
******
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
******
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
******
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
******
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."
******
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
******
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
******
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
******
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
******
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
******
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
******
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
******
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
******
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
******
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
******
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
******
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
******
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "
******
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
******
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
******
Hahaha Jokes
1)
Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily) : Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.
A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!"
2)
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother
owns an apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at
the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if
somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them
$2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet
or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body
says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy. Now
the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks
sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a
pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools. Sardarji
replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I
will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not
take me some body else will take.
Did You Know?
Did You Know?
Eyes
Are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain.
Eyes
Are composed of more than two million working parts.
Eyes
Can process 36,000 bits of information every hour.
Eyes
Under the right conditions, can discern the light of a candle at a distance of 14 miles.
Eyes
Contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge.
Eyes
Utilize 65% of all the pathways to the brain.
Eyes
Can instantaneously set in motion hundreds of muscles and organs in your body.
Eyes
In a normal life-span, will bring you almost 24 million images of the world around you.
Eyes
The external muscles that move the eyes are the strongest muscles in the human body for the job that they have to do. They are 100 times more powerful than they need to be.
Eyes
The adult eyeball measures about 1 inch (2.5 cm) in diameter. Of its total surface area only one-sixth is exposed -- the front portion.
Eyes
The eye is the only part of the human body that can function at 100% ability at any moment, day or night, without rest. Your eyelids need rest, the external muscles of your eyes need rest, the lubrication of your eyes requires replenishment, but your eyes themselves "never" need rest. But please rest them!
Eyes
Eyes are your most precious sense... care for them properly!
Eyes
Are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain.
Eyes
Are composed of more than two million working parts.
Eyes
Can process 36,000 bits of information every hour.
Eyes
Under the right conditions, can discern the light of a candle at a distance of 14 miles.
Eyes
Contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge.
Eyes
Utilize 65% of all the pathways to the brain.
Eyes
Can instantaneously set in motion hundreds of muscles and organs in your body.
Eyes
In a normal life-span, will bring you almost 24 million images of the world around you.
Eyes
The external muscles that move the eyes are the strongest muscles in the human body for the job that they have to do. They are 100 times more powerful than they need to be.
Eyes
The adult eyeball measures about 1 inch (2.5 cm) in diameter. Of its total surface area only one-sixth is exposed -- the front portion.
Eyes
The eye is the only part of the human body that can function at 100% ability at any moment, day or night, without rest. Your eyelids need rest, the external muscles of your eyes need rest, the lubrication of your eyes requires replenishment, but your eyes themselves "never" need rest. But please rest them!
Eyes
Eyes are your most precious sense... care for them properly!
Modern Bride's Speech
Modern Bride's Speech
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said. Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
Bride replied, "Dad, what I mean is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!"
Hehehehehe.. .. ) ) ) )
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:
"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said. Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.
Bride replied, "Dad, what I mean is:
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.
Those who used to clean should clean.
As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!"
Hehehehehe.. .. ) ) ) )
He Wrote & She Wrote
He Wrote & She Wrote
A shy under educated guy was deeply in love with a pretty girl, but did
not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to give it a go,
and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote her a letter of proposal.
HE WROTE:
[/color]Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation,
I have strong inclination to become your relation. As to my educational
qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation
examination - no doubt, without any hesitation, and very little
preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of our marriage
celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and
with a view to the expansion of the population of the present generation.
On your approbation of the application, alongwith my photo for your
appreciation, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if
such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our augmentation
of the joy and the exaltation of our joint dissimilation. Thanking
you in anticipation and with devotion,I remain a victim of your fascination.
SHE WROTE BACK:
Dear Mr. Victim of My Fascination,
Congratulations !! for your lengthy narration which is full of affection
and aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition. You have passed your
matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a
long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an
application by acquisition of post graduation as minimum qualification for
the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification. Further strict observation of the following
conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a
victim of any other fascination.
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.
I remain,
Unaffected by ur fascination
A shy under educated guy was deeply in love with a pretty girl, but did
not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to give it a go,
and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote her a letter of proposal.
HE WROTE:
[/color]Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much meditation,
I have strong inclination to become your relation. As to my educational
qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my matriculation
examination - no doubt, without any hesitation, and very little
preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of our marriage
celebration according to the glorification of modern civilisation and
with a view to the expansion of the population of the present generation.
On your approbation of the application, alongwith my photo for your
appreciation, I shall make preparation to improve my situation, and if
such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our augmentation
of the joy and the exaltation of our joint dissimilation. Thanking
you in anticipation and with devotion,I remain a victim of your fascination.
SHE WROTE BACK:
Dear Mr. Victim of My Fascination,
Congratulations !! for your lengthy narration which is full of affection
and aimed at an affiliation for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition. You have passed your
matriculation with little preparation, what about my graduation after a
long botheration, so improve situation in education and make an
application by acquisition of post graduation as minimum qualification for
the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification. Further strict observation of the following
conditions is the regulation for the determination of our relation.
1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.
2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a
victim of any other fascination.
3. Procreation must not be your recreation.
In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.
I remain,
Unaffected by ur fascination
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
Don't Mess With Old Ladies
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: Bet, that liar told you I was speeding, too.
An old lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Old Lady: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Old Lady: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Old Lady: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Old Lady: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Old Lady: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Old Lady: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Old Lady: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Old Lady: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Old Lady: Bet, that liar told you I was speeding, too.
Greetings SMS
Greetings SMS
• Delay is the enemy of efficiency, and waiting is the enemy of
utilization. So... don't delay anything and don't wait for anything.
Dud Day!
• When you want to enjoy life, think today as your life's First day.
When you want to achieve something in life, think today as your life's
Last day. Have a Gr8 Day!
• Success is like a beautiful girl it will leave us at any time, but
failure is like a mother it will teach us some important lessons of
life. Gud Day!
• Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the
end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. Gud Night!
• Morning is not only a surprise but a beautiful miracle of God that
defeats the darkness and spreads the light. May this be a beautiful
day. Gud Morning.
• If life is a game, I wish you to win. If life is a journey, I wish
you to walk on roses. If life is a joy, I wish you to always smile.
Have a great & successful day.
• Since your eyes are looking tired, let your eye lashes hug each other for few hours. Happy journey into the world of dreams.
Gud Night and Sweet Dreams.
• We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is
something to be enthusiastic about. Gud Day!
• Wrap a rainbow of joy in ur heart, let the sun paint a smile on ur
face, remove all clouds of doubt & fear and receive God's Gift of
Life. Good Morning.
• Smile in pleasure... Smile in pain... Smile when trouble pours like
rain... Smile when someone hurts u... Smile coz someone still loves to
see u Smilinig.
• Delay is the enemy of efficiency, and waiting is the enemy of
utilization. So... don't delay anything and don't wait for anything.
Dud Day!
• When you want to enjoy life, think today as your life's First day.
When you want to achieve something in life, think today as your life's
Last day. Have a Gr8 Day!
• Success is like a beautiful girl it will leave us at any time, but
failure is like a mother it will teach us some important lessons of
life. Gud Day!
• Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the
end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow. Gud Night!
• Morning is not only a surprise but a beautiful miracle of God that
defeats the darkness and spreads the light. May this be a beautiful
day. Gud Morning.
• If life is a game, I wish you to win. If life is a journey, I wish
you to walk on roses. If life is a joy, I wish you to always smile.
Have a great & successful day.
• Since your eyes are looking tired, let your eye lashes hug each other for few hours. Happy journey into the world of dreams.
Gud Night and Sweet Dreams.
• We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is
something to be enthusiastic about. Gud Day!
• Wrap a rainbow of joy in ur heart, let the sun paint a smile on ur
face, remove all clouds of doubt & fear and receive God's Gift of
Life. Good Morning.
• Smile in pleasure... Smile in pain... Smile when trouble pours like
rain... Smile when someone hurts u... Smile coz someone still loves to
see u Smilinig.
Enjoy with a Sardar - Nice one
Enjoy with a Sardar - Nice one
1. Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
2 .How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!
6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."
12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
13. Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
14. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.
==========================================================================
1 - Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke patte _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
2 - Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy
3 - Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -POSTBOX.
4 - After returning from a fore! ign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
5 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, here only small Babies born!!!
6 - Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is jayanthi.
7 - Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walked.
Suddenly sardar said loudly, " I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
8 - When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, " You are trying to see my wife? You sit in the back. I will drive."
9 - Interviewer: just imagine you r in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
=========================================================================
Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.
• Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai
1. Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
2 .How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy?
Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!
6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.
7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.
9. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
10. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
11. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."
12. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..?
Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.
13. Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey
Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!
14. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab .
Sardar: Why are you praying for that?
Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.
==========================================================================
1 - Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Sardar : Oye ullu ke patte _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
2 - Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English.
Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underwear'
Teacher: What?
Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Sheddy
3 - Manager asked to sardar at an interview Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -POSTBOX.
4 - After returning from a fore! ign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
5 - One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, here only small Babies born!!!
6 - Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is jayanthi.
7 - Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walked.
Suddenly sardar said loudly, " I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
8 - When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Sardar shouted, " You are trying to see my wife? You sit in the back. I will drive."
9 - Interviewer: just imagine you r in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape?
Sardar : its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
=========================================================================
Heights of Friendship: Santa commiting suicide, someone asked the reason. He said: My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.
• Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo.
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal main ye andha hai
Seasonal Thinking
Seasonal Thinking
How a Son/Daughter thinks of His/Her Dad at Different times:
At 4 Years
My daddy is great.
At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered
At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .
At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.
At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.
At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.
At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with
him.
At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.
At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when
I was young.
At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.
At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a
single son.
At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of
his kind and unique.
At 60 Years
My daddy is great.
NOW AS PER OUR TEJBIR DEAR:
these are definitely a son's thoughts
the girl's thoughts could be:
At 4 Years
My daddy is great.
At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years
My daddy is good
At 12 Years
WOW! My daddy raised my pocket money without asking.
At 14 Years
Hey my dad permitted me to go on school trip to darjling.
At 16 Years
My daddy likes my choice but will be like my BF?.
At 18 Years
My daddy is so good, he approved my boyfriend.
At 20 Years
Daddy has married me off in a great style
At 25 Years
My daddy if so handsome even now and look at my hubby
At 30 Years
I have kept intact all that daddy gave me on my marriage
At 40 Years
my hubby broke today the vase that daddy gave me on my marriage.
At 45 Years
my daddy was so good to me and see my hubby, he does not know how to rear children
At 50 Years
i should have asked dad if he had a better choice for a hubby for me
At 55 Years
this is dad's fav dish
At 60 Years
My daddy is greatest.
How a Son/Daughter thinks of His/Her Dad at Different times:
At 4 Years
My daddy is great.
At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered
At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .
At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.
At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.
At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.
At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy. Wonder how Mother puts up with
him.
At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.
At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son. I was so scared of my father when
I was young.
At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline. Even I should do the same.
At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.
At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up. I am unable to manage a
single son.
At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. He is one of
his kind and unique.
At 60 Years
My daddy is great.
NOW AS PER OUR TEJBIR DEAR:
these are definitely a son's thoughts
the girl's thoughts could be:
At 4 Years
My daddy is great.
At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.
At 10 Years
My daddy is good
At 12 Years
WOW! My daddy raised my pocket money without asking.
At 14 Years
Hey my dad permitted me to go on school trip to darjling.
At 16 Years
My daddy likes my choice but will be like my BF?.
At 18 Years
My daddy is so good, he approved my boyfriend.
At 20 Years
Daddy has married me off in a great style
At 25 Years
My daddy if so handsome even now and look at my hubby
At 30 Years
I have kept intact all that daddy gave me on my marriage
At 40 Years
my hubby broke today the vase that daddy gave me on my marriage.
At 45 Years
my daddy was so good to me and see my hubby, he does not know how to rear children
At 50 Years
i should have asked dad if he had a better choice for a hubby for me
At 55 Years
this is dad's fav dish
At 60 Years
My daddy is greatest.
Awesome mistake
Awesome mistake
These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive
days.
The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...
MONDAY: For sale - John has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407
16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs waite who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in John ad yesterday. It
should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581
and
ask for Mrs waite, who lives with him after 7PM."
WEDNESDAY: Notice: John has informed us that he has received several
annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified
ad
yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - John has a
sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for
Mrs. waite who loves with him.
THURSDAY: Notice: I, John, have no sewing machine for sale. I
smashed
it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have
not
been carrying on with Mrs. waite. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper
but she quit!
These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive
days.
The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...
MONDAY: For sale - John has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407
16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs waite who lives with him cheap.
TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in John ad yesterday. It
should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581
and
ask for Mrs waite, who lives with him after 7PM."
WEDNESDAY: Notice: John has informed us that he has received several
annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified
ad
yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - John has a
sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for
Mrs. waite who loves with him.
THURSDAY: Notice: I, John, have no sewing machine for sale. I
smashed
it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have
not
been carrying on with Mrs. waite. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper
but she quit!
Insult Someone with these one line SMS
Insult Someone with these one line SMS
☻Them:
You:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them:
You: I never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻This sms can only be read by someone s*xY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not s*xy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻ Do I look like a damn people person?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Is that a comeback? For fcuk's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them:
You:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them:
You: I never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻This sms can only be read by someone s*xY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not s*xy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻ Do I look like a damn people person?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Is that a comeback? For fcuk's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Some Laws.... Newton 4got
Some Laws.... Newton 4got
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have
left will start to move faster than the one you are in
now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get an engaged one.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease, ur nose will begin to itch.
Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the
telephone rings.
Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you are with someone you don't
want to be seen with.
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have
left will start to move faster than the one you are in
now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number,
you never get an engaged one.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become
coated with grease, ur nose will begin to itch.
Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the
telephone rings.
Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone
you know increases when you are with someone you don't
want to be seen with.
APPLE - A to Z
APPLE - A to Z
A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple
A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar apple
I for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaalo jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple
Sardar is back
Sardar is back
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
On a romantic date sardars girl friend asks him:
"Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?"
He said: "Sure ! What's your phone number?"
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander:
"Why are you laughing?"
Sardar: "I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is following me."
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote: "Due To Rain, No Match!"
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Sardar: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10
A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge: How'll you divide? You have three children.
Sardar: Ok! We"ll apply next year.
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 >bodies and are still digging for more.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.
Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is "You are standing on the oxygen tube!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Sardar: I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't u exchange?
Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchnge in the lower berth.
A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said:
"Fill Up In Capital.".
Sardar had twins. He named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins and named them Peter and Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted sardar named them Tired & Retired.
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.
Why? Because his doctor advised him:
"Today's dinner should be light !"
Sardar and Family go to a party.
He introduces himself "I Sardar, she Sardarnee, the boy my Kid and the girl my Kidney".
Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD
YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply) "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over !!
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
You know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking.
Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25th floor he remembers I'm unmarried!
At 10th floor he remembers I'm Banta not Santa!
On a romantic date sardars girl friend asks him:
"Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?"
He said: "Sure ! What's your phone number?"
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander:
"Why are you laughing?"
Sardar: "I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is following me."
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote: "Due To Rain, No Match!"
What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
Why can't sardars dial Nine-Eleven (911) at emergency?
They cannot find the eleven on the phone.
Sardar and his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar: Drink quickly.
Wife: Why?
Sardar: Hot coffee Rs 5 and cold coffee Rs 10
A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce.
Judge: How'll you divide? You have three children.
Sardar: Ok! We"ll apply next year.
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
Sardar news: A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab. Local sardars have so far found 500 >bodies and are still digging for more.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says "Chin Yu Yan" and dies.
Sardar goes to China to find meaning of friends last words.
It is "You are standing on the oxygen tube!"
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife: What you are doing?
Sardar: I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Why?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Why didn't u exchange?
Sardar: Oye! There was nobody to exchnge in the lower berth.
A Sardar went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he had gone to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said:
"Fill Up In Capital.".
Sardar had twins. He named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins and named them Peter and Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted sardar named them Tired & Retired.
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.
Why? Because his doctor advised him:
"Today's dinner should be light !"
Sardar and Family go to a party.
He introduces himself "I Sardar, she Sardarnee, the boy my Kid and the girl my Kidney".
Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT University and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD
YALE Guy: It is Light, nothing can travel faster than Light.
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it's hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose Motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply) "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over !!
Hope You like it
Hope You like it
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
==========================================================================
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
==========================================================================
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.
==========================================================================
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
==========================================================================
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
==========================================================================
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
==========================================================================
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
==========================================================================
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.
==========================================================================
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
==========================================================================
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
==========================================================================
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
H o w t o C a t c h a L I O N
H o w t o C a t c h a L I O N
Newton 's Method:Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tires and surrenders
Newton 's Method:Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method: Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion. If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
Rajnikanth Method : Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.
Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tires and surrenders
Enough of Sardar jokes-Mallu jokes are here !
Enough of Sardar jokes……………..Mallu jokes are here !
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen
What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto
11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called? IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study? In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today? He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff? To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire? He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon? MOON - Yem Who yet another Who and Yen
What is Malayali management graduate called? Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday? An Oto
11) Where does he pray? In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ? A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala? Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line? " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ? Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones
Biggest SMS Collection (All kinda SMS's)
Biggest SMS Collection (All kinda SMS's)
i love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I
love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love other alphabets
too...v, w, x, y, z !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you
gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so
much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love
You. I Love You. That's because Meneka Gandhi says "Love Animals"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A - U'r Attractive B - U'r D Best C - U'r Cute D - U'r Dear 2 me E -
U'r Excellent F - U'r Funny G - U'r Gud Looking H - He He He I - I'm
J - Just K - Kidding
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has
come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has
come.. But The meeting hasn't started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey
is busy reading this SMS !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last nite I lay in bed, looking at the stars, the beautiful sky and
the endless horizon.... and suddenly I thought... where the hell is
my roof?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You've got s*x Appeal... You've got Style... You've got
Intelligence... You've got Class... You've got D Face... & You've got
D Body... & I've got the wrong number! Sorry!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat,
idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !... Now read it
without the word cat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zindagi Hey to Khwab Hain, Khwab hain tu Manzilen Hain,Manzilen Hain
to Rastay Hain Rastay Hain TU Mushkilen Hain our Mushkilen Hain
Tu "Main Hoon Na"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain****Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar
muskurate hain****Yeh to unke bache hee kamine hain,****Jo Mamma-
Mamma bulaate hain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi Hasde yo sanu hasaan vaaste****tussi rone yo saanu rovaan
vaaste****ek vaar rus ke ta vekho sohneyo****Marr javange tuhanu
manaan vaaste
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de****tadap raha hu ab aur na intzaar
de****Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna****Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've seen angels in the sky,****I've seen snow fall in July,****I've
seen things you could only imagine to see or do,****But I still
haven't seen anything sweeter than you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ae dil kissi ki yaad mein rona fijul hai****ye aansoo bade anmol hain
inhe khona fijul hai****royo to unke liye jo tum par nisaar
hain****unke liye kya rona jinke aashiq hazaar hain
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Vajpaye needs 500 donkeys to attack on Pakistan.****499 ja chuke,
message milte hi niklo
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes****that
the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey****plz contact zoo for
detail
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teri aankain jhuki jhuki****tera chehra khila khila****jab tere
chehre per haath ghumaya ****to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
Vo sochte honge usko aksar,****jo hamein unke salaam de jaati
hai,****vo kya jaane unhein choone waali hawa bhi,****hamein unke
saare paigaam de jaai hai!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someday u may lose ur hair.****u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even
lose ur mind.****But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good
looks.****coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You look so fine!I want to...****break your heart and give you mine
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are like the sunshine so warm,****you are like sugar, so
sweet...****you are like you...****and that's the reason why I love
you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is like war...****Easy to start...****Difficult to
end...****Impossible to forget
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you believe in love at first sight****or do I have to walk by
again??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've seen angels in the sky,****I've seen snow fall in July,****I've
seen things you could only imagine to see or do,****But I still
haven't seen anything sweeter than you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People****Kiss is not like
Nike..Just Do It.****Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange
More****But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,****RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,****PEPSI ka cr8
ho,****ANDE ka oml8 ho,****SMS KARNE ME bade le8 ho,****JALEBI ki
tarah stra8 ho,****KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,****Masjid mein adaab karta
hoon,****Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun****isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Friend is Sweet when its NEW****Its Sweeter when its TRUE****But
you know that its the sweetest when it is U
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God created the earth,****God created the woods, ****God created you
too, ****but yes, even God makes mistakes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
free SMS ki scheme me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon ne Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj ne gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
pade bhi to kya pade
yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
ab TAZ banana chahta hu,
par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
hum DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
najane kab aa jaye aap ka sms
is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
tum bin bahut akele hain,
sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
dekho hum kitne wele
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar ne dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar ne dekha nazar ko aise,
ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I
love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love other alphabets
too...v, w, x, y, z !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you
gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so
much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love
You. I Love You. That's because Meneka Gandhi says "Love Animals"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A - U'r Attractive B - U'r D Best C - U'r Cute D - U'r Dear 2 me E -
U'r Excellent F - U'r Funny G - U'r Gud Looking H - He He He I - I'm
J - Just K - Kidding
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has
come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has
come.. But The meeting hasn't started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey
is busy reading this SMS !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last nite I lay in bed, looking at the stars, the beautiful sky and
the endless horizon.... and suddenly I thought... where the hell is
my roof?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You've got s*x Appeal... You've got Style... You've got
Intelligence... You've got Class... You've got D Face... & You've got
D Body... & I've got the wrong number! Sorry!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat,
idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !... Now read it
without the word cat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zindagi Hey to Khwab Hain, Khwab hain tu Manzilen Hain,Manzilen Hain
to Rastay Hain Rastay Hain TU Mushkilen Hain our Mushkilen Hain
Tu "Main Hoon Na"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain****Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar
muskurate hain****Yeh to unke bache hee kamine hain,****Jo Mamma-
Mamma bulaate hain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi Hasde yo sanu hasaan vaaste****tussi rone yo saanu rovaan
vaaste****ek vaar rus ke ta vekho sohneyo****Marr javange tuhanu
manaan vaaste
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de****tadap raha hu ab aur na intzaar
de****Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna****Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've seen angels in the sky,****I've seen snow fall in July,****I've
seen things you could only imagine to see or do,****But I still
haven't seen anything sweeter than you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ae dil kissi ki yaad mein rona fijul hai****ye aansoo bade anmol hain
inhe khona fijul hai****royo to unke liye jo tum par nisaar
hain****unke liye kya rona jinke aashiq hazaar hain
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Vajpaye needs 500 donkeys to attack on Pakistan.****499 ja chuke,
message milte hi niklo
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is wrong with your cell every time i call a voice comes****that
the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey****plz contact zoo for
detail
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teri aankain jhuki jhuki****tera chehra khila khila****jab tere
chehre per haath ghumaya ****to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila
Vo sochte honge usko aksar,****jo hamein unke salaam de jaati
hai,****vo kya jaane unhein choone waali hawa bhi,****hamein unke
saare paigaam de jaai hai!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someday u may lose ur hair.****u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even
lose ur mind.****But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good
looks.****coz u cant lose wot u don't have!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You look so fine!I want to...****break your heart and give you mine
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are like the sunshine so warm,****you are like sugar, so
sweet...****you are like you...****and that's the reason why I love
you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love is like war...****Easy to start...****Difficult to
end...****Impossible to forget
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you believe in love at first sight****or do I have to walk by
again??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've seen angels in the sky,****I've seen snow fall in July,****I've
seen things you could only imagine to see or do,****But I still
haven't seen anything sweeter than you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People****Kiss is not like
Nike..Just Do It.****Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange
More****But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,****RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,****PEPSI ka cr8
ho,****ANDE ka oml8 ho,****SMS KARNE ME bade le8 ho,****JALEBI ki
tarah stra8 ho,****KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,****Masjid mein adaab karta
hoon,****Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun****isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Friend is Sweet when its NEW****Its Sweeter when its TRUE****But
you know that its the sweetest when it is U
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
God created the earth,****God created the woods, ****God created you
too, ****but yes, even God makes mistakes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
free SMS ki scheme me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon ne Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj ne gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
pade bhi to kya pade
yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
ab TAZ banana chahta hu,
par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
hum DETTOL k siva kuch laagate nahi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
najane kab aa jaye aap ka sms
is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
tum bin bahut akele hain,
sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
dekho hum kitne wele
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar ne dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar ne dekha nazar ko aise,
ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A to Z Happyness
A to Z Happyness
A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even ifyou have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B--Break
AwayBreak away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,sorrows, and happiness with.
D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along theway.
E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappinessand grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long asyou remain dedicated to the task.
I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a smallinkling of what the future holds.
J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Tryto learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. Thewarmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there'sroom for endless happiness.
M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer yourassistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that thingsalways have a way of working out in the end.
S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a secondchance.
X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see thegoodness and beauty within.
Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'llfind success at the end of the road.
Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head.Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even ifyou have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B--Break
AwayBreak away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,sorrows, and happiness with.
D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along theway.
E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappinessand grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long asyou remain dedicated to the task.
I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a smallinkling of what the future holds.
J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Tryto learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. Thewarmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there'sroom for endless happiness.
M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer yourassistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that thingsalways have a way of working out in the end.
S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a secondchance.
X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see thegoodness and beauty within.
Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'llfind success at the end of the road.
Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head.Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.
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