Jokes Journey

Jokes Journey

*Break Into the House*


A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.


"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.


"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"


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*Lost Wife

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"


Why?" she asks.


"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."


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*Teacher*
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher.


After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.


"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


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*Hearing*


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.


He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.


The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."


The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


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*Wedding*


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"


"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.


The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the groom wearing black?"


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* Dream*


A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"


With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."


That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".


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One liner Jokes



Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

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"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

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My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.

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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

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"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."

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When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

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"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."

******

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .

******

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

******

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!

******

"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

******

"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."

******

A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

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"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."

******

I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.

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"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."

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We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

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"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

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"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"

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"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."

******

Hahaha Jokes

1)
Teacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily) : Can't your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.
A man was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered - waiting for autumn.

A baby dog asks mama dog: How papa looks like. Mama dog said: "Your dad came from behind, I do not have the chance to see its face carefully!"

2)
Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother
owns an apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at
the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if
somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them
$2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet
or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body
says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy. Now
the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks
sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a
pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools. Sardarji
replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I
will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not
take me some body else will take.