Insult Someone with these one line SMS

Insult Someone with these one line SMS

☻Them:
You:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

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☻Them:
You: I never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
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☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
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☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
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☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
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☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
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☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
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☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
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☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
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☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
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☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
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☻Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
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☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
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☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
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☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
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☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
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☻Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
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☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
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☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
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☻Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
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☻Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
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☻I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
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☻You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
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☻Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
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☻Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
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☻Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
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☻Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
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☻You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
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☻All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
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☻I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
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☻You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
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☻He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
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☻Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
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☻If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
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☻You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
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☻You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
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☻I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
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☻Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
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☻Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

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☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

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☻Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
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☻I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
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☻Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
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☻I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
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☻Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
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☻You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
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☻I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
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☻Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
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☻I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
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☻4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
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☻Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
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☻This sms can only be read by someone s*xY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not s*xy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
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☻I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..
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☻As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
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☻Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...
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☻My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...
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☻Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!
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☻ Do I look like a damn people person?
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☻This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
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☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
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☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
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☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
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☻Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
----------------------------------------------------------------------

☻Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

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☻I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
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☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
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☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
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☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
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☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
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☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
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☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
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☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
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☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
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☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
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☻Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
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☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
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☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
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☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
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☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
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☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
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☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
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☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
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☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
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☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
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☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
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☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
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☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
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☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
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☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
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☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
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☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
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☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
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☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
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☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
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☻I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Are you typing with your forehead, again?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
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☻A rose by any other name still has thorns.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
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☻Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
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☻There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
☻People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
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☻Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
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☻Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
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☻Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
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☻Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
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☻For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
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☻He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
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☻He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
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☻You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
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☻Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
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☻Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
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☻If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.
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☻Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
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☻Is that a comeback? For fcuk's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.
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☻He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt
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